Who Girl
by pteradactyl
Summary: The tenth Doctor accidentally crashes into Serenity. River Tam comes with him in the TARDIS, presumably to go on adventures and further develop the characters and plot. However I haven't written that part yet. I've left the Tenth Doctor and River in the TARDIS, heading to New York City on Earth that Was. The story may or may not become M rated but it's currently T.


Usual Disclaimers none of the Characters or parts based on the original television are mine. Copyrights belong to Russell T. Davis and Joss Whedon, possibly among others. But not me. I haven't written in decades so please criticize kindly!

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**Chapter One**

**Serenity**

The Doctor sat on the floor by the console, tapping the rubber soles of his red trainers, bored and dejected. He was wearing his blue suit; the one he wore when he required inspiration. It wasn't working. The Doctor was tired of traveling alone, but he didn't really know how to find a companion. Strictly speaking, companions found him. No one had found him in a long time.

His brooding was interrupted by a whack on the butt as he was suddenly lifted and unceremoniously dropped back on the floor. The TARDIS had started moving. Quickly. Very quickly. The Doctor jumped up, eyes wide, and looked around. This was more like it. The TARDIS was making unusually loud banging noises, and its heart was pumping erratically, increasing speed in what would have struck anyone else as an alarming fashion. The Doctor grinned and grabbed the console as everything began to shake. A sudden jolt sent him sprawled on the floor on his bottom again. "Rubber trainers don't help much when I'm dropped on my bum," he thought. "I wonder how I could make a rubber bum bumper." He dropped the thought as he realized he needed an entire rubber body suit; the TARDIS was spinning and jerking and bouncing like crazy, causing the Doctor to do the same.

He tried to stand up as the TARDIS suddenly came to a stop with a very hard and very loud thump that sent him sailing again, his head smacking the console. He clearly heard the word "verse," making him wonder if he'd sustained a concussion. "Nah," he thought, jumping up. "But the TARDIS has never spoken before," he mused. "Thump must have damaged the internal acoustic system." But of course he didn't stay to investigate the acoustics; he nearly ran out the TARDIS door to investigate the much more interesting question of where he had landed.

In his enthusiasm, he smashed the door partway open, causing a stash of metal objects to scatter in a thousand directions, seemingly unaffected by gravity. One hit him in the face. He grabbed it and quickly dropped it on the large pile dismantled by the TARDIS door. "Guns," he said with disgust, giving the pile a small kick, immediately followed by "Ouch!" These were not just guns. They were big, heavy artillery.

"I'd thank you not to be insulting my weapons unless you'd like to see one pointed real close to your face," said a man in a brown coat. "I'm Mal, the Captain of this ship, known as Serenity, and my word is pretty much law. And what in the 'Verse is that blue box doing on my ship?"

If the Doctor were a porcupine, he'd bristle. "She's not a _box_,_"_ he said, glaring at the Captain. "She's a-"

"TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space," interrupted a young woman seated on the floor, holding her knees to her chest.

"How did you know that?" the Doctor and the Captain shouted simultaneously. The young woman stared at the floor, burying her face with her long dark hair. Apparently, a reply wasn't coming. Everyone was staring at the Doctor.

He inhaled sharply and deeply. "Hello," he said with a tentative grin, looking at the huge pile of ammunition he'd knocked over exiting the TARDIS. Too many people were carrying way too many guns for his taste. He decided now was not a good time to discuss his feelings about guns. "I'm the Doctor, and as this young woman pointed out, this is my TARDIS. She's my ship. I must say she's a bit cleaner than yours_._ This looks a bit of a mess, doesn't it. And I highly doubt your ship travels in time," the Doctor said.

Mal bristled, porcupine or not. "Her name is _Serenity,"_ he repeated_. "_The only reason she's a bit disorganized right now is that you just landed right smack on top of our ammunition. And I'd have you know, doctor or not. You complain about Serenity**,** you're complainin' about myself and my crew too. She may not look as shiny as that _wooden box_ of yours, but she's as flight worthy as any ship in the 'Verse. That clear enough for you?"

"Absolutely. I'm certain your shi-, Serenity, is as," the Doctor paused, assessing the balance between his usual friendliness and his growing anger about the way his TARDIS was being insulted. "As _brilliant_ as you say. As is the beat-up blue box which is my TARDIS. Have a look inside," he said, grinning as he opened the door, waiting for the collective gasp. Which didn't come.

"She's awful shiny," said a dirty but smiley young woman. "Where's her engine? I bet she's got one of the shiniest engines I've seen this side of the 'Verse."

The Captain spoke up before the Doctor had a chance to reply.

"Looks pretty flight worthy to me," he said, wandering around and inspecting details. "Though there's an awful lot here I don't reckon I've seen before. My sincere apologies for disrespectin' your, what do you call her?"

"TARDIS. Travel and Relative Distance in Space and Time," the Doctor said proudly.

"Well, I wouldn't know about that," the Captain said, "but she's a damn sight shinier on the inside than the out." This was a new one for the Doctor, and he smiled. He loved new ones. "In fact, I'd say that blue box is a mighty good disguise. Alliance or Reaver ships, don't matter, they'd fly right by you. It sure would come in handy if Serenity could do that. Where's she from?" Mal asked.

"Gallifrey," said the young woman with the dark hair, ignoring the Doctor's dropped jaw and just about everything else. "Red grass, orange sky, oh the sky, the sky, so many machines and screaming and dying. So much dying. Dying dying dying dying dying!" Words became a scream as she shook her head violently back and forth. Out of nowhere a young man appeared. He held her in his arms like a child, murmuring "It's ok. It's ok, River. You're safe. I'm here. No machines. No wars. No-" River screamed even louder at the word "wars." She shoved her brother away and stood in the middle of the TARDIS, screaming at the top of her lungs.

The Doctor had been moving very slowly toward her. When he was close enough, he reached out a hand to touch her shoulder. To the amazement of the entire crew of Serenity, she stopped screaming and looked him in the eyes. "I'm sorry," the Doctor said quietly. "I'm so, so sorry. But I have to do this." He placed a hand on each of the girl's temples, gently holding her head. They stood that way for several minutes, in absolute silence. No one had ever been able to completely quiet River before, not even Simon.

After a while the Doctor let go and studied River. He had the disquieting feeling that River knew much more about him that he did about her.

"I like him," River said calmly to no one in particular.

"He's safe. I want to stay with him." she said.

"Whoa, whoa, hang on a minute here," said Mal. "I myself find this doctor more'n a mite interesting, but that's no cause to be making any drastic decisions. We barely know the man," he said, aiming a hard look first at River and then the Doctor.

"He knows me," River said, more than a touch of amazement in her voice. "He understands me. I've never met anyone who understands me before."

"That's just plain foolishness," said a man armed with more guns than seemed logistically possible. "Your brother Simon here," he said, with a rather nasty look toward Simon, "he's known you your whole gorram life. Way I see it, he's taken mighty good care of you, and I don't see any reason to think that's gonna stop any time soon. After all the trouble you given us so far, I still don't reckon I trust letting you go off with a total stranger. What if he's Alliance?"

Simon glared at the man. "That man? Alliance? They're not that good at undercover, or we'd all be dead and gone." He turned toward Mal. "I seem to remember quite a few times you'd have been more than happy to get rid of the both of us. Why the sudden change?"

"No need to get nasty," Mal interjected. "Jayne's got a point, and River ain't no piece of cargo. I reckon it's her choice."

River leaned back against the wall next to Simon as if she were trying to disappear into it. "There's no one I love more than you in the whole wide 'verse. You rescued me," she whispered to her brother. "But you don't understand me," she said, looking like she was about to cry. "I never thought there'd be anyone, ever, understands me." She sighed deeply and looked into her brother's eyes. "This doctor, Simon, he knows more about me in five minutes than anyone I've met in my entire life. Including you."

"Maybe so," Simon said, glaring at the Doctor. "But he doesn't love you. How do you know he won't just leave you during one of your fits?"

River sat back down on the floor and held her head in her hands. "I don't know how," she said. "I just know."

The entire crew was silent. They were used to situations they could deal with, however dangerous. This was entirely new.

"She's a mite quieter than I ever heard her," Mal said. "That's a whole lot easier on my ears, and I suspect all of yours as well."

Despite his fury, Simon couldn't disagree with the Captain's words. He looked at his sister, who looked up at him with huge, pleading eyes. "I'll be safe with him," she said. "I know it." River never knew things that weren't true.

Simon looked utterly defeated. He couldn't imagine life without his little sister. Nor could he imagine what he'd do with his own life if he weren't charged with taking care of his sister. But he could imagine how he'd feel if he insisted River stay with him out of pride, or guilt. He sighed deeply and resigned himself to continue doing what was best for River, however much it hurt."

"You okay with all this, honey?" asked the girl who'd asked about the engine. "It's a big change for you, bein' without your brother and all."

"No," River answered. "I'll never be ok." She looked at the Doctor, who let down his guard for a moment and looked infinitely sad, sad beyond his years. Sad beyond a lifetime. "Can I come with you?" River asked.

"Yeah," he said, meeting River's eyes. "I'd like that."

River took his hand. The Doctor couldn't remember the last time someone had taken his hand. That was usually his job.

"I'm sorry, Simon," he said. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Now wait just a minute here," Mal announced. "No one's said anything about anyone going anywhere," Suddenly a voice shouted from another room. "Captain, we got incoming!"

"What's it look like?" Mal shouted. "Can you get a visual?"

"Not sure," the voice called, "but it doesn't look good. Hold on while I, oh shit! It looks like Reavers."

Suddenly the TARDIS was empty except for the Doctor and River. The Doctor had never heard of Reavers, but an image of the cannibals at the edge of the universe flashed through his mind. The Doctor barely paid attention. He was still amazed at what he'd seen in River'a mind. She seemed to know everything that had happened to him in his 906 years of life. More importantly, he'd seen horrifying images of River's brain connected to machines, machines that were designed to control and hurt. He could see her resistance had been amazingly strong. Just not strong enough. He could also see the damage, both in her past and right in front of him. He wanted to help. He needed to help. He wasn't sure that taking River away from her brother was a good idea, but he didn't feel he had a choice.

Suddenly the TARDIS was shaking and wavering, causing everything that wasn't attached to anything else to fall. The Doctor barely paid attention; he was used to that. What really worried him was that the fallen objects rolled first in one direction, then another, rolling into themselves, beginning to bounce. He very gently laid his hands on each of River's shoulders.

"I'm not sure what's happening," he said, "but you have to decide _right now_. Are you coming or staying?"

"Coming," River said without hesitation. "And hold on tight to that big ring. We're about to take off." The TARDIS door slammed shut, and the Doctor felt her leaving as quickly as she had arrived. Not quickly enough. He needed to put as much distance between the TARDIS and these Reavers as possible. River yelled "Faster! Make it go faster! We need to get out of here _now_! REAVERS!"

The Doctor slammed the accelerator as hard as he could, then slammed an entire control panel. Something worked. Serenity was long gone, and they were hurling through space and time at top speed.

The Doctor was in his element now, elated and very curious about where and when they were headed. River wasn't taking it as well. She huddled against a wall again, burying her head in her hair and shaking. "I'm an idiot!" he said and slapped his head as he realized that leaving her brother behind so suddenly, in imminent danger of Reavers, whatever they were, may not have been the best idea. He approached her as carefully as possible, dodging what was now debris, and squatted down to her level. He gently brushed her hair away so he could see her face. She wasn't screaming, which was good, but she didn't move or acknowledge the Doctor either. "Ah, River" he muttered, and suddenly remembered the River he'd met at the Library. Two Rivers who had inexplicably known way too much about him. He wondered if there was a connection.

"No," whispered the River in front of him. "We are not the same. I'm so scared. Simon always held me when I was scared. Please. Squeeze the bad thoughts away."

The Doctor moved closer to River and wrapped his arms around her. He could feel the tension in her entire body. Occasionally she whimpered, and the Doctor stroked her hair and tried to comfort her as best he knew how. They sat that way for a long time, squatting on the floor. Eventually River's breathing slowed as she fell asleep. The Doctor moved her very carefully until she was lying down on the TARDIS floor. River must have been very deeply asleep; she didn't even flinch. He didn't know where they were headed, but the TARDIS seemed to pick up on their calm and slowed down, the noises receding to their usual level. The Doctor watched River for a minute as he realized how good it felt to touch another person, how long he'd been alone. He found the thought vaguely disquieting.

**Chapter Two**

**Gallifrey**

The Doctor lay down next to River and drifted in and out of sleep. He was getting too old to sleep on the floor. His back hurt. He got up and puttered around the TARDIS for a while, then checked on River. She was nowhere to be found. He gave her a few minutes in case she was using the bathroom, but when he couldn't resist checking, it was empty, too. At this point he started randomly running through the TARDIS corridors, shouting "River!?" till he was back at the console. No River.

"She must be outside," he thought, with a good deal of trepidation. Wherever outside was. He stood up, ran his fingers through his hair and down his suit in an attempt to get the wrinkles out. That would have to do. He opened the TARDIS door, hoping to see River right outside.

"No. No, this can't be. I have to get out of here, _now,_" he screamed in his head. He was back on Gallifrey. The red grass and silver leaves and the two suns in the orange sky were overwhelmingly familiar. He squatted on the grass for a moment, arms wrapped around himself, head hanging. He didn't realize how much like River he looked. "This can't be happening," he thought. "Something very very bad is going to happen unless I get out of here. Now." He stood up and screamed at the top of his lungs, fueled by both his hearts. "RIVER! COME BACK HERE THIS SECOND! THIS IS BAD. VERY, VERY BAD. REAVER BAD. COME BACK NOW!"

"I'm here," River said, appearing from behind the TARDIS. "What's wrong? You love Gallifrey. That's why I took us here."

"You- how- *you* brought the TARDIS here?! How could you possibly have done that?"

"It was easy," she answered. "It's in your head. I thought you'd be happy here. Why can't we stay for a while?"

The Doctor sighed heavily. So many reasons. He took a deep breath. "River, I can't go back in my own personal timeline. The entire universe could collapse."

"What's a personal timeline?" River asked.

"I'm surprised you don't know, given that you seem to know everything else about me," the Doctor answered, rather harshly. He sighed again. "My personal timeline is any place in space and time that I've been before. I can't interfere with something I've already done. Kind of like going back to your own five-year-old birthday party. The balloons would all pop, the cake would melt, and the entire universe would explode. We have to leave now, River. NOW."

"What makes you think I've landed in your personal timeline? Look around. Do you see any buildings, any citadels, any Time Lords?"

The Doctor looked around and realized he and River were quite alone. He paused for a moment to take in his surroundings. Definitely Gallifrey. Red grass, orange sky, two suns, silver leaves on the trees. But everything was slightly different. Something to do with the trees. They were smaller, much sparser than he remembered. Then there was the air. It smelled of Gallifrey and not Gallifrey.

"See? There's no one on this planet. There aren't even animals yet. This is Gallifrey thousands of years before you were born." She was obviously dismayed by the Doctor's reaction. "I thought you'd _want_ to come here. It's obvious you miss it. It was supposed to be a present. I didn't know you'd hate it." River started crying. "No machines, no war, no people, just grass and mountains and snow and sky and suns. I thought you'd like it. Instead you're angry angry angry and your thoughts are black spears pointed at me and there's so much hate. I can't stand hate. If you're going to hate me, take me back to Simon. I hate you too," she added, decisively.

The Doctor realized he was being selfish. River was curled up into a little ball on the grass and sobbing.

"River, River. I don't hate you. I was just, surprised. And a bit scared. And sad." He slumped his back against the TARDIS and tried to gather his thoughts. "It's like going home, but no one's there and all the furniture is gone and yours is the only house left. Empty. An empty house on an empty street. An empty house that doesn't want you inside."

"Why?" whispered River.

"Because the storm is coming to ruin everything, turn this planet into one huge fortress. Because of a never-ending war with the Daleks. So many will die, my friends, my family, every single Time Lord but me. The Daleks too. And it will all be for nothing. No one wins. Everyone's planets are destroyed, as if they never existed. I'm the last survivor of my race. Just before Gallifrey exploded, just before I saw my home burst open and disappear, I stole the last living TARDIS and traveled as fast and as far away in space and time as I could." The Doctor was near crying now. River was staring at him as if he were a new species of insect, and she was examining him through a magnifying glass.

"That's why I don't want to be here," the Doctor continued. "If you were clever enough to avoid my personal time line and fly my TARDIS on your own, why would you take me to the one place in the universe I can't stand? Why would I want to see all its beauty and glory, before we destroy it? Before I helped destroy it. Before," the Doctor stopped and turned his back on River as tears started flowing down his face. He thought about River's memories.

"It's like being on one of the Alliance planets, but before the it was terraformed. It's beautiful, it's perfect, it's where you want to spend your life. But you can't. The Alliance takes over, controls the planet, and tries to kill anyone who opposed them during the war. Your home turns into a horror show. The Academy shatters your brilliant brain into a thousand tiny pieces as it tries to understand you, to use you, to turn you into a human weapon. Would you really want to go back to that planet? No matter how beautiful it was? Would you want to walk in that beauty, knowing it would soon be destroyed?"

River began to shake. "Anger," she said. "Anger and hate. Anger and hate. I've met you too late. Please go away in your TARDIS and leave me here."

"Not a chance," the Doctor said in a simple, manner of fact voice. "I've taken you from your people on Serenity and you're my responsibility now. I'm not letting go of you, River, so don't even ask."

"But they weren't my people. Except for Simon. We came from the Alliance. We didn't know they were bad until I went to the Academy. They hurt me. It hurt so much. Hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt. I've never felt so much hurt in my life" The Doctor looked back at the images of River being restrained while the Academy cut open her brain. He saw her terror, and the Academy's fury when Simon had rescued her. He couldn't see her future, and didn't know if he wanted to.

"I can look into your mind again," he said. "If it's too hard to talk about. If you want me to see."

"No! No no no no no no no no no. No one in my brain again. Never. It hurts and it changes me and I hate it. No no no no no-"

The Doctor gently placed his hand over River's mouth. The other hand held her close. "I promise I will never look at anything you don't want me to see. You can have as much privacy as you like. Just close the things you don't want me to see behind doors. You don't even have to lock them. I've done it before. It works. I see a closed door, I go away. Got it?"

"But what if I forget a door, or don't close it all the way and it opens or-"

"Shhh," the Doctor said, smoothing River's hair. "That's not going to happen. Any sign of a door, even an empty doorway, I'll stop. Promise."

River sighed. "Okay. But I don't want you looking into my mind anymore. It's private. Will you stop?"

"Of course."

"Promise?"

The Doctor smiled and said "Promise. Pinky promise."

River looked confused. "What?"

The Doctor blushed and turned away for a moment. When he turned back, he took River's hands and asked "Can we go now? I'd rather be anywhere else than Gallifrey."

River hung her head and mumbled.

"Sorry?" he asked.

"I said I was sorry," River replied quietly. "I won't take us anywhere on my own again. Promise. Pinky promise."

The Doctor laughed and pulled River into a hug. "I hope you like hugs," he said. "I'm a hug person."

"Hugs are good," River responded, blushing a bit herself. She yawned.

"I'm hungry," she said. "Do you have any food in your TARDIS?"

The Doctor laughed. "Come see for yourself."

"Is it good?" River asked. "Does it come in dry packages like Serenity and you have to add water and spices and put it in the microwave and it still tastes bad?"

"Nope," the Doctor asked, still smiling. "Doesn't sound very appetizing."

"It's not," River said. "The people were okay but the food was terrible."

"Well, let's go see what we've got," the Doctor replied, shutting the TARDIS door behind him. And get away from Gallifrey, he thought, deciding a new destination was more important than dinner.

"Anywhere special you'd like to go?" he asked River, playing around with the console buttons.

"Any place that's not the Alliance," she replied.

"Right," said the Doctor, beginning to smile and fiddle with more buttons despite himself. "I'm going to let her wander a bit so we can get some dinner and sleep. I'll just press a few more buttons, and see where she takes us. She usually ends up where I want to go." Or where I need to go, he thought, hoping that the TARDIS would decide he needed a holiday. The engine tube began to move up and down, and the usual noises began as the TARDIS started moving.

"Molto bene," the Doctor said, smiling at the familiar surroundings and very glad to be flying away from Gallifrey. "Let's see what we can rustle up for dinner. You like to cook?"

River yawned again. "No."

"Good," said the Doctor. "Because I love it." He rummaged through various cabinets and cupboards in a pantry sized room off to the right. "Any special requests?" No reply. "River?" he asked, beginning to worry. "No," came a small voice from under the console. The Doctor smiled and returned to looking for dinner.

**Chapter Three**

**Two of Hearts**

The Doctor woke up in the middle of the night, or was it the middle of the day? He didn't care. He was just happy to be back in his TARDIS in his own bed. He yawned loudly and stretched, touching something soft, something that should not be there. "WHAT?!" he shouted, reaching for the bedside lamp and knocking in onto the floor. "WHAT?!" he repeated, sitting up in bed, completely disoriented.

"It's just me," River said, reaching over and turning on her own lamp.

"WHAT?! What are you doing here?" the Doctor asked nervously, checking to see if he was wearing pajamas. He was.

"I got lonely and I needed you," River said. "I didn't know you'd be in bed."

"I'm usually in bed when I sleep," the Doctor replied. "Didn't you like the suite I gave you? The TARDIS is huge. You can sleep anywhere you like."

"I told you. I was lonely. And scared. I needed to be with you."

"Could you knock next time?" the Doctor asked. "You startled me half to death. I think one of my hearts stopped for a moment."

"_One_ of your hearts?" River asked. "How many do you have?"

"Just the two," the Doctor replied.

River curled up in a ball next to him.

"What's wrong?" the Doctor asked.

"You. Two. Two is scary. Two times the hurt. Two times the hurt THE HURT THE HURT!"

"Shhh," the Doctor said, trying to uncurl River. She just tightened further. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said. "River. Look at me."

"Too scary. Don't want to see." River's voice sounded as if it were preparing to scream.

"Look at me," he repeated.

River slowly turned toward the Doctor and scrutinized him. "No twos on the outside," she said.

"See? Perfectly normal."

"Not normal," River replied. "Your hair. It's standing up. It looks different from usual and you look different and it scares me."

The Doctor made a futile attempt to smooth his hair. It was bad enough when he was awake. He couldn't imagine what it looked like now. "Is that better?"

"No."

He sighed. "It's just my hair," he said. "It does that. It stands up. I can't help it. It might look funny, but it's just hair. It can't hurt you. It's not even prickly. Feel it."

River tentatively touched his hair. "It feels like hair. Just hair. Is it safe?"

"Absolutely. It's just hair. I'd never let you touch it if it weren't safe."

"So it's just hair. Just like regular hair but standing up sticky-uppy hair?"

"Right," the Doctor answered. "I'm a sticky uppy sort of man," he said, and then blushed. He didn't know how River would interpret that. Actually, he didn't know much about how River would interpret anything. He was just starting to figure her out, storing bits and pieces in his database brain.

"So, do you want to feel my hearts?" he chanced.

"Where are they?" River asked.

The Doctor laughed. "In my chest. Where did you think they were?"

"Don't laugh at me," River scolded. "There's two of them. They could be anywhere."

The Doctor took both of River's hands in his. "Feel them beating." He lay one of River's palms on each heart.

She made no move to pull away. After a while she bent over, pressed her ear to one heart, then moved her head to listen to the other heart. She sat up and smiled at the Doctor.

"You really do," she said. "You have two hearts. I've never met anyone with two hearts." She put her hands back on the Doctor's hearts. "Two hearts. Two hearts equals two of hearts. Two of hearts. Can you keep me twice as safe, two of hearts?"

Rose's face flashed before his eyes. But River was right there, looking so hopeful and vulnerable.

"Absolutely," he said. "You're safe with me, River Heart."

"My last name isn't Heart. It's Tam."  
"Tam like the hat?"

"Yes. Tam like the hat. The little plaid tam. I like little plaid tam. Simon used to read me a book about a girl with a little plaid tam. I loved that book. Two of Hearts and Little Plaid Tam. Our private names. Just for us.

"You have a secret name, too. Your own secret name."

"How do you know about that?" he asked nervously. "Do you know what it is?" Both his hearts were pounding. He found the possibility of two Rivers knowing his name very unsettling.

"No," River answered. "It's behind one of your doors. A huge door. A castle door. With a moat. I won't open it," she said.

"Promise me," said the Doctor, still nervous. "Because it's very very important that know one knows that name but me." And River Song, he thought.

"Pinky promise," said River, very seriously.

"Bet you don't know how old I am," the Doctor said, changing the subject.

"You're much older than me, and I'm much older than you."

The Doctor thought about it. It's true, he realized. I'm nine hundred and six years old, but this body is only three. What an odd way to think about it.

"Don't think about it so loud if you don't want me to know," said River. "You practically screamed that at me. Nine hundred and six. Older and younger than me."

"And how old would that be?" the Doctor asked.

"You're clever," said River. "Figure it out."

"I can't, really," the Doctor said. "I see a lot, more than even you can imagine, but I can't read minds. Not without putting my hands on someone's temples."

River pulled away so the Doctor couldn't reach her head. "I have a secret too. We both have secret names. You have two secret names. I have a secret age."

"For now," the Doctor agreed. "But I'm very clever. I'll figure it out. I can figure out anything if I put my clever mind to it," he said, smiling.

"Maybe," she said. "I know how to hide things in my mind. You showed me about the doors, but I already knew how to hide my thoughts. I had to. At the Academy. They kept trying to get inside my brain. It was very scary. So scary. I was so scared. Scared. Scary. Scared. Scary. Scared. Scary-"

"Shhh," the Doctor said again, taking River's hands. "You don't have to think about that anymore. You're safe. Two of hearts, remember?"

River was silent for a long time.

"I need to sleep now, Little Plaid Tam."

River curled up with her back facing the Doctor.

"Hold me," she said.

"Always," the Doctor replied. It was then that he realized he'd found his new companion. Or, once again, she'd found him.

**Chapter Four**

**Not Dying**

Now that he was awake, the Doctor knew it was futile to try to get more sleep. River snored very quietly while the Doctor contemplated whether humans required more sleep than Time Lords. At the moment, he assumed the answer was no. He was still exhausted, but sleep was so elusive there was no point even trying.

He glanced over at her. She was wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing when he met her on Serenity. He made a mental note to show her the wardrobe tomorrow. His mind had so many mental notes it looked like diary being attacked by Post-Its, but he managed to keep them all in order and available when he needed them.

The Doctor didn't feel comfortable in his own bed while River was in it. He got up quietly, took some comforters from the closet, and lay down on the floor.

The floor wasn't particularly comfortable. He got up again, opened the closet door again, and looked for something thick to lie down on. Even with River's light on, the closet was very dark. He felt around carefully, searching for something suitable to use as a mattress. Despite his best efforts, he knocked something loud onto the floor. The sound startled River. She sat up and started screaming "Where did you go? Help! I'm scared!"

"I'm right here," said the Doctor, turning around to look at River.

"Where? I can't see you!"

Since stealth was no longer an option, he turned on the closet light. River started to laugh.

"What? What's so funny?"

"You," she answered, still laughing. "You have a pillow on your head."

"I do?" He reached up and indeed felt something soft on his head. "Seems that I do," he said, removing the pillow.

"Is that a Time Lord thing? River asked, quite seriously. "Do all Time Lords sleep in closets with a pillow on their head?"

"No," he answered, trying not to laugh. "I was in bed when you found me. Remember?"

"Why aren't you in bed now?" River asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Nah," the Doctor answered. "It's just me. I like to sleep alone."

"Are you sure? You won't try to kill me?"

"What?!" the Doctor responded, utterly confused.

"I was afraid they'd kill me in my sleep. At the Academy. They did that sometimes if they broke you into too many pieces."

The Doctor was unusually silent for a moment. "No one's going to kill you in your sleep now," he said. "Or when you're awake either," he added, hoping he was right.

"Are you going to die?" River asked.

"Not planning on it."

River sounded as if she were going to cry.

"I don't want you to die," she whispered. "Please don't die. I need you. I love you," her voice trailed off, barely audible.

The Doctor sighed. "You don't want to love me, River. Time Lords live almost forever. We regenerate; we don't die."

"You mean like when you had short hair and wore a leather jacket all the time? And then you changed into you?"

"Something like that," he said. "When I die, I'll probably regenerate into another Time Lord. Every time I regenerate, I turn into someone else. I have the same memories, but-"

"Please don't regenerate," River interrupted. "I want you just the way you are, forever."

"You have no idea how much I don't want to regenerate. I'd be me, but not me. That's not going to happen. At least not for a long time. You might even be dead by then." He immediately realized he should never had said that.

"Will you die too? Not the Time Lord you. The you you. I don't want you to die. I didn't realize you _could_ die. Please don't die. Please, please, promise me you won't die."

The Doctor sighed "I can't make that promise, River," he said. "No one knows when they're going to die, not even Time Lords. But I'll tell you what. I'll do everything I can not to die." he added.

River was so quiet for so long the Doctor thought she'd fallen asleep.

"I used to want to die at the Academy," she said. "All the time. Death couldn't be worse than what they did to me."

"But you didn't. That's because you're so strong" the Doctor said. "Right?"

"No. Not right. That's not right at all. Don't you know that? You're the Doctor. You're wrong. So very wrong. No dying. No dying at all. That's what they said at the Academy. If I didn't cooperate, I'd die."

"Well you're not dying now."

"But what if I do? What happens when you die? I don't know. I know most things, but I don't know that. What if you die before me? What if you, you, what's the word? Regenerate. What if you regenerate without me? Will you even know me?"

"I'll always know you," the Doctor said, hoping he was right. He tried to remember who his previous regenerations had known. Rose. Not much help. Captain Jack. He wished he could forget Captain Jack. He was a nuisance, wanting to have sex with every creature he saw, regardless of gender or species. Omnisexual The doctor sighed; which gave him pause. Thinking about Jack made him realize that somewhere along the line he'd become the opposite. Asexual

"Where'd you go?" River asked. "You were gone forever. I don't think you heard a word I said."

"Sorry. Woolgathering, I guess."

"How do you know you'll always know me?" River asked, returning to their conversation.

No reply.

"What happens if you regenerate and don't remember me?

River was answered by the slow, even breathing of the Doctor sleeping on the floor. She was scared. Really scared. But she didn't want to wake him. She wanted an answer. But she was used to not getting what she wanted. She liked the sound of his two hearts beating. It was a good sound, like when she sat on her mother's lap when she was little, and her mother sang to her. The Doctor's heartbeats were good. That would have to be enough for now. River was used to settling for not enough. For now.

**Chapter Five**

**Pancakes**

River woke to an unusual smell. It wasn't the Doctor; he wasn't in bed and she could hear him singing. She followed the sound of the voice till she found him. He was indeed singing, a song River had never heard of. And the smell of the food, up close, was unfamiliar as well.

"And I would walk 500 miles," the Doctor sang as he dropped something disgusting, that looked like it could have been from Serenity, into a pan. "And I would walk 500 more." He flipped something that didn't resemble the gook at all up in the air. "just to be the man who." Flip. "walked 1000," he flipped a thin brown circle from the pan onto a big plate of the circles, which smelled much better now. "Miles to fall down- blimey!" he said as the pancake fell to the floor. He picked it up, inspected it, and threw it into the trash. "At your door."

"Good morning," he said, surprising her. She'd been standing very quietly behind him from across the room. She'd thought she'd been very very quiet. She had a lot of experience with being very quiet at the Academy. She had to be, if she had any hope of avoiding her torment for the day. The Doctor picked up the plate with a huge stack of cooked circles, which now smelled very good. He lay it down on a table and asked "Mind getting a couple of plates?" River made no attempt to move.

"I'm psychic but generally only with people. I don't know where your plates are."

"Really?" he asked. "I would have thought you'd know. Oh well. No matter." He took out two plates, two forks and two knives, and set the table. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please," said River in a quiet voice.

"I shouldn't really drink the stuff. Picked up the habit in New York. Very addictive, coffee is." He got two huge mugs and filled them with coffee. "How do you take it?" he asked.

"I drink it," she answered. "Are there other ways take to take it?"

The Doctor laughed. "No, I meant with cream or sugar. Do you like coffee with cream and sugar?"

"I'm not sure. They didn't let us drink coffee at the Academy, and there wasn't any cream or sugar on Serenity."

"Well then. Cream and sugar it is. Good healthy food. Adds protein, fat, and carbohydrates. Very important for the body. Well. Maybe not the carbohydrates. They can make you fat. Maybe not the fat either. Sugar, though. Pure waste of perfectly good calories and worth every one. You look skinnier than I am; you could use some fattening up. Here you go," he said, handing the mug to River. "Careful, it's hot."

"I'm not a baby," she responded. "I know hot drinks are hot." She took a sip. "Oh, this is delicious."

"Just wait for the pancakes and maple syrup." He assessed the pile. Eh, good enough." He placed the pancakes between them. River started to pick up one with her fingers, causing it to break into pieces. The Doctor smacked his head. "Spatula, right." He picked up the cooking spatula, which was covered with congealing pancake residue. He tossed it in the sink and began opening drawers and cupboards. "Where's a clean spatula when you need one? Oh well," he sighed, washing and drying the one he'd cooked with.

He transferred a few pancakes to River's plate. He transferred all the remaining pancakes, of which there were quite a few, to his own plate, then stopped. "That's plain greedy," he said, removing some of the pancakes from his plate. You might want some more."

"Mmm mmmyesmmmm. These are good."

"Stop! Wait!"

River started to get that frightened look in her eyes.

"Why? Is there something wrong with them?"

"Nah," said the Doctor. "I'd say they look almost perfect. A little scraggly around the edges, but you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to make a good pancake. I've had hundreds of years to practice, and they're still never quite round. Oh well. Can't be helped." He looked at River, who was looking dubiously at her pancakes. "You don't have to be scared of them," the Doctor said, picking up one of his and shoving the entire pancake into his mouth. "Permmmemtectly fimmmme," he stopped to cough.

"Sorry about that. They're best eaten with a knife and fork. But what I meant was you really can't eat pancakes without maple syrup. You're going to love this," he said, as he poured enough maple syrup on his plate to make pancake soup.

River cautiously poured a small amount of syrup on a pancake. This was two kinds of new food at the same time. She'd learned to be cautious of new food at the Academy. "Is it safe for me to eat these?" she asked. "I've never had them before. They might be special Time Lord pancakes and I shouldn't eat them."

The Doctor laughed. "Would I serve you food that would make you sick? I learned to make these on Earth."

River stared at him. "Earth is dead."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Well I learned to make these while Earth was still around. Good thing the TARDIS travels in time. I'd really miss Earth."

"What's in this syrup?"

"Just maple syrup. One hundred percent maple syrup. In fact I got it as a gift from someone on earth. Wilf, he's called."

"But what's in it?"

"I just told you. Nothing's in it. Well, nothing but maple syrup."

River was starting to look annoyed. "I _know_ that. What's in the maple syrup? Where is it from?"

"Ohhh. Sorry. It's sap from maple trees. Kind of like a tree's blood," he said, pouring himself more.

"You fed me the blood of a _tree_? I'm eating tree blood?!" River pushed her plate away.

"Guess that wasn't the best analogy. The trees don't care. We only drill in a little ways and take the sap that comes out."

River looked even whiter than she normally did. "So you get this from hurting a tree, digging into it and stealing some of its blood? That's horrible! That's like being a tree vampire," she said, pushing her plate even further away.

"Hmm. Never thought of it like that before," the Doctor said, shoveling another large bite into his mouth. "Welll, they're just trees," he added. "It doesn't hurt them. There's still plenty of sap left for the tree."

"How do you know?" River said, anger in her voice.

"What? How do I know what?"

"You said it doesn't hurt them. How do you know that?"

The Doctor stopped eating and thought for a minute. "Blimey," he said. "Now you've stopped me from eating maple syrup," he said, eating another chunk of pancake with syrup soaked in. Fact is, I don't know. That's strange. I always know everything. I guess I don't know if a tree feels pain when you drill into it. Good question," he said, shoving the last of pancakes into his mouth.

"Why are you still eating them if you don't know whether it hurts trees?"

"Waste not want not. Mmmm." The doctor ran his finger across his plate, getting the last of the maple syrup. "Mmm that's good."

"You're horrible," said River. "You're intentionally eating tree blood. Right after you said you didn't know if it hurt the tree."

"Well it's not like it's hurting the tree anymore. This has already been drilled. In fact, I'd guess this particular tree would want me to eat what was taken. Otherwise I'd be like hunters who kill animals for fun, then cut off their heads and hang them on the wall. Once the tree's already been drilled, I'd think it would want me to make use of it."

River's face went from white to green. The doctor picked up her plate of half-eaten pancakes, threw the food into the trash, and left the plate in the sink. "Drink some more of your coffee. It'll make you feel better."

"What did you put in it?" River asked suspiciously.

"Nothing!" said the doctor, starting to get annoyed.

"You did," River said, raising her voice slightly. "I saw you. You put cream and sugar in my coffee. We didn't have cream at the Academy. What's it made of?"

The Doctor sighed. "Cows' milk. And no, no one hurts the cow to get it. You ask even more questions than I do."

"Isn't cow's milk supposed to be for calves, before they learn to eat? Why do Time Lords drink it? You're not calves."

"Oh for crying out loud. It's not just Time Lords who drink cream. In fact, there weren't any cows on Gallifrey. I've picked up the habit of drinking cream from humans. It never occurred to me I was depleting the food supply for calves. Let's just drop it, shall we?"

"Now you're angry at me. I've made you angry at me. Please don't be angry at me. I hate it when people are angry at me." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Especially you. Please, please don't be angry at you."

"I'm not angry at you, River. It's just ... You can be quite a handful. Like me, I suppose. Let me clean up the rest of breakfast."

River picked up a towel and began drying. She didn't know where everything came from, so she set it all in carefully separated stacks of plates, forks and knives. She put the pan next to the piles, thought for a moment, and put the spatula in another pile all by itself.

"Thank you," the Doctor said, obviously abashed. "That was very kind of you." He put away everything River had dried. Including her mug of coffee, which she hadn't touched since the cow conversation.

"Where are we going next?"

"I have absolutely no idea," he answered, grinning widely. Why? Is there anywhere in particular you'd like to go?"

"Earth. Earth that was. Before we ruined it. Can we go there?"

"Absolutely!" said the Doctor, fiddling with dials and buttons in the engine room. "Anywhere in particular?"

"New York," River answered immediately. "You said you started to drink coffee in New York. I want to drink coffee in New York. Without cream," she added.

"Okay. Black coffee in New York it is."

"Black? Mine wasn't black. It was brown. Is coffee black in New York"

"You'll find out when we get there," the Doctor answered. "Always good to have a little mystery. So. Earth, past, we're all set."

Allons-y!" he said, as the TARDIS took off.


End file.
